Relationships are the Light that Shines Away the Darkness of Me - DAY 488


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Relationships are the Light that Shines Away the Darkness of Me - DAY 488
The Moment of Shock



Shock, Trauma and Stress (Part Ten)

In the next post we’ll open up more dimensions of the consequence that fear of loneliness / being alone manifest within relationships – how such a fear can compromise self and one’s relationship with another. Then finally – what is the solution to such a fear and how would self change and so one’s relationship with another change with taking responsibility for such thoughts and emotions.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how I have used and abused both my Mind and Body – to hide from myself, from the things I reacted to negatively / emotionally, from the things that I was afraid to confront, from the things I believed I could not handle, from the things I did not understand, from the things I gave up on about myself and my life and from the things I refused to admit exists within me. With fear of being alone and the emotional experience of loneliness being no exception – as this fear and emotional experience connected to being alone / lonely is one such thing that exists within me that I was trying to suppress within me by using my Mind to cover it up with positive feelings / experiences that I believed only a relationship / someone else could give me.
In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how the more I covered up and hid such fears / emotional experiences – the more they became repressed into the depths of my physical body, as far and as deep as possible. Yet within this not seeing/realising and understanding that “I can hide, but I can’t run” from myself and that eventually, such suppression of fears / emotions would contribute to the moment of shock, trauma and stress I embody on a mental and physical level when/as a loved one suddenly dies / I am separated from them by circumstance.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be self honest with me when it came to my relationship with alone / lonely and the emotional energy I attached to such words as ideas within my Mind, especially when it came to the fact that I was suppressing such ideas and emotions by using either my Fantasies / the reality of my relationship with someone to ensure that such ideas and their emotions do not seep through into my Conscious reality – but remains hidden from myself as I for a moment bask in the delight of Fantasies and/or Reality when it comes to relationships – shining a light into my own Mind and World to ensure the reality of the darkness only just beyond the light of positive feelings / experience remains as far back and far away from my Conscious reality as possible.
In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how I have used Fantasies / the Reality of a Relationship as a light switch – the moment I fantasize about relationships, a light goes on that shifts the darkness of my fears and emotional experiences farther back into my Mind and Body and/or the moment I have a relationship in reality – the light STAYS ON, because now I have a constant ‘light’ in my Mind and my World that ensures the darkness of my fears and emotional experiences in my Mind stays as far back and deep in my Mind and Body as possible.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how my fear of being alone and the emotional experience of loneliness – contribute to the moment of shock, trauma and stress when a ‘loved one’ / ‘person close to me’ suddenly dies / am separated from them by circumstance – where, I was not aware of the extent to which I suppressed this fear within me and in that moment the separation from such a person manifested: the fears that I have suppressed into the deepest, darkest corners of my mind and being came rushing back.
In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how my dependency on another person as being my ‘light’ to shine away the darkness of my own Mind / World – only made matters worse for myself; because with every beginning there is an end; and when/as this person was lost from my mind and from my world – the light switch of positive energy / experiences and sensations went off and I was left alone with myself – no more ‘light’ to cover up the darkness, the fears, the emotions I suppressed and repressed in my Mind and Body; and so they all came rushing back in that one moment of realising the light in my Mind and World is not there anymore – and once again I was where I had been before: alone with me and everything that defined ‘me’ before I started the relationship.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to for so long try and ‘hide’ from the things I reacted to negatively / emotionally, from the things that I was afraid to confront, from the things I believed I could not handle, from the things I did not understand, from the things I gave up on about myself and my life and from the things I refused to admit exists within me when it came to the relationship with me, my Mind and what goes on inside of me. Especially within this – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use relationships and/or the fantasies thereof to hide from myself.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to understand myself, to understand the things I fear / react to inside myself, to take responsibility for the things I do not want to admit exists within me, to stand up from the things I gave up on within myself and my life and to find perspective, commonsense and clarity on the things I reacted to emotionally. To no more use / abuse my Mind and Body to suppress the darkness of me, to no more use / abuse Relationships as a place in this world to continue hiding from myself – but to make a stand within me, in my relationship to my own Mind – walk into the darkness and sort myself out with the tools of writing, self forgiveness and practical application, so that my relationship with myself, my body and so others in my world / reality can be / become more than just places I’ve used to hide within – but find/discover who I am if I walk through my own fears and learn what it means to create with the potential I have in relation to my Mind, Body and others in my world  /reality.

In the next post, I will continue with explaining the detail of how we’ve used suppression in the Mind and Body – why it is that everything we’ve suppressed in the Mind within/during a relationship comes rushing back the moment you realise the dependency is not in your world/reality anymore that you used to hold your suppressions in the Mind; and finally – how this influence our Minds and Physical Bodies. To within this, see / realise and understand the Potential we’re taking for granted in relation to the Mind and Body and our relationship with others, if we’d stop living in fear / hiding from our own Minds and start give ourselves the opportunity to start living and so creating ourselves and our relationship with others.




Relationships are the Cure for Loneliness: DAY 487


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Relationships are the Cure for Loneliness: DAY 487
The Moment of Shock


Shock, Trauma and Stress (Part Nine)

In the next post and posts to come – we will continue with the Self Forgiveness Process, focusing on that initial real purpose for/of relationship, what Negative things were covered up / suppressed by the Positive things experienced / that was dependent on the relationship and how this creates MENTAL-RELATIONSHIPS, and what would REAL PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIPS be if/6as our starting point for relationships was not based on emotional/feeling energy, but two individuals walking / living as EQUALS.

This is the cycle we get caught up in, ‘looking for love’ – love encompassing all the positive feelings filled into one bowl within our Minds, where all the positive feelings we’re looking for / searching for from another / in a relationship / sex unites in our Minds / Bodies for a moment to be able to drive / motivate ourselves to just not have to look at ourselves, our problems / issues…our own Minds and what really goes on in there. So, ‘love’ – the search for it / yearning for it and how it preoccupies / possesses our minds, in fact functions as a distraction…a distraction from ourselves, our own minds / who we are.

In and from this blog – we’re going to start the Self Forgiveness Process of exposing thoughts and emotions that often fuel the desire / yearning for relationships, such thoughts and emotions that we tend to not take self-responsibility for and so make ourselves believe that hiding and suppressing them within relationships will ‘make them go away / disappear’; when in fact – they always in some way or another come back / linger in the back of our minds…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loneliness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my fear of loneliness, being in that deep dark abyss of nothingness where it feels like I’m so disconnected from everything and everyone around me – as though I have been forgotten by the world, pushing me into the experience of being SO isolated – that I so YEARN for a connection, for a touch, for a kiss, being held – just that someone to ‘be here’ with me in this aloneness – where, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this / such loneliness that only I know of within myself, that is so intimate and so deep within myself – will be ‘cured’ or even understood by another human being…

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how it is that I am creating this aloneness as an emotional experience of loneliness within myself, my own Mind - based on the thoughts and emotions I participate in – such as “I am so alone / lonely” / “I need someone” / “I need to feel loved” / “no one loves me” / “why can’t I have someone that loves me”, essentially manipulating myself with my own thoughts and emotions. 
In so doing, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how I am creating my own problem as the emotional experience of loneliness as the negative polarity and from there – my own ‘solution’ as the positive polarity – that being a ‘relationship’. But, it’s interesting that I never consider how and why it is that I am, with my own Mind, my own thoughts and emotions – creating this problem-solution polarity in my Mind with negative and positive emotions and feelings. 

In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ever introspect / investigate what it is I am creating – and so accepting and allowing in my own Mind with my thoughts and emotions when it comes to the negative polarity of the emotional experience of loneliness, feeling isolated / disconnected and so alone and considering how this would change – if I let go, forgive such thoughts and emotions – where my starting point for a relationship is then not based on my fear of being alone / lonely; using a relationship to suppress / hide this fear – but that I can approach a relationship with a decision to create something more with someone, rather than using someone / a relationship for me to hide from my own fears, my own thoughts and so my own emotions for which I am not taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ever question – how it is possible for relationships to be/become ‘more’ if/as the starting point thereof is ‘fear of loneliness’, because as long as the starting point for the relationship is ‘fear of loneliness’ / ‘being alone’ – then everything about the relationship would be dishonest, because all the words, experiences and behaviours will be driven by this fear in some way or another and so what this places into question is “what can I trust about myself / the relationship if everything that I am in the relationship is driven / motivated by this fear?” If anything, what relationships and the condition thereof within humanity has proven is that each one always in some way or another – ends up in the place within themselves that they fear: alone together with the emotional companion of loneliness.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be self honest with myself when it comes to what it is that I am yearning for / searching for in a relationship with another – for example, looking at this fear of experiencing and facing this loneliness – even though I may find this ‘someone’, ‘the one’:  they never seem to really fulfil this deep, seemingly never-ending yearning for a connection and so I would eventually compromise and ‘settle for less’ where I would justify / excuse / validate how they ‘show their love’ as being ENOUGH – but still, this yearning, this want / need / desire for something MORE will remain within me and/or eventually be suppressed

In the next post we’ll open up more dimensions of the consequence that fear of loneliness / being alone manifest within relationships – how such a fear can compromise self and one’s relationship with another. Then finally – what is the solution to such a fear and how would self change and so one’s relationship with another with taking responsibility for such thoughts and emotions.



















Relationships: When Fantasy meets the Real World - DAY 486


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Relationships: When Fantasy meets the Real World - DAY 486
The Moment of Shock


Shock, Trauma and Stress (Part Seven)

In the next post and posts to come – we will continue with the Self Forgiveness Process, focusing on that initial real purpose for/of relationship, what Negative things were covered up / suppressed by the Positive things experienced / that was dependent on the relationship and how this creates MENTAL-RELATIONSHIPS, and what would REAL PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIPS be if/6as our starting point for relationships was not based on emotional/feeling energy, but two individuals walking / living as EQUALS.

This is the cycle we get caught up in, ‘looking for love’ – love encompassing all the positive feelings filled into one bowl within our Minds, where all the positive feelings we’re looking for / searching for from another / in a relationship / sex unites in our Minds / Bodies for a moment to be able to drive / motivate ourselves to just not have to look at ourselves, our problems / issues…our own Minds and what really goes on in there. So, ‘love’ – the search for it / yearning for it and how it preoccupies / possesses our minds, in fact functions as a distraction…a distraction from ourselves, our own minds / who we are.

In this post, we’re going to walk a Self Forgiveness process that will illustrate how the positive feelings/energies of our Consciousness suppress the negative emotions / issues / problems in ourselves and how we within this have come to use relationships as ‘cover ups’. Instead of using relationships to ‘open up’ to ourselves and each other – laying out the problems / issues, discuss them and find solutions for oneself and the other. In so doing, supporting each other to work through the ‘real self’ and expand/develop/grow within the relationship by enhancing the strengths and strengthening the weaknesses in oneself, the other and the relationship - instead of devolving within the relationship where it becomes very superficial – purely based on playing mental games with feelings / pleasing each other and so relationships don’t reach any real depth / intimacy or an foundation of trust that will stand the test of time and challenges within this lifetime.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how relationships have gone into ‘reverse’ within human civilization – even to the point of questioning whether “relationships” have ever in fact existed…or only the idea thereof in people’s Minds. “Reverse” because, instead of relationships being foundations, strong foundations that are built between individuals in the relationship/partnership over time with patience and perseverance – most of the time is spent on pleasing / ‘pushing buttons’ to activate positive feelings and simulate the imaginations/fantasies. Where this idea exist that ‘if you can Imagine it / Fantasize it – it will come to pass in Reality’, when the Fantasy of relationship can be sustained for a while – but eventually falls the more the individuals spend time in the ‘real world’, facing ‘real challenges’ – most of which were not entertained in the Fantasies of the relationship in the Mind. And so why and how – most Relationships fall, even before it has started, the “Reverse effect” coming into manifestation; because instead of it being a process of building / accumulation, it becomes a process of slow decline to the eventual dissimilation of the Relationship.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how an Idea of relationships that the Fantasies of the Mind/Consciousness produce – has swooped across Humanity, every one / most that have opportunities for relationships attempting to manifest / materialize Fantasies into physical reality; and despite over and over and over again proving that a Relationship in the ‘real world’ is not a Fantasy, but an actual process to walk, an experience that must be created, a creation that must be built with both putting in equal amount of time and effort – despite this: every one still attempts to ‘fight against’ the ‘real world of relationships’ to manifest / materialize their Fantasies of Relationships.
In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how we then will move from one relationship to the other – when the Fantasies in the Mind do not match the Reality of the Real World, in so doing – blaming self, the other / the relationship as being the problem. Never questioning, introspecting / investigating this ‘living in two worlds’ dilemma that is in fact at the heart of the problem, with one foot standing in the Fantasy of the Mind and the other in the Reality of the Physical – trying to have ‘best of both worlds’. Not seeing, realising and understanding how the Fantasies of the Mind / Consciousness cannot align with the Reality of the Real World, because the Mind / Consciousness is not IN this real world, but in a ‘world of its own’. This is evidenced by the fact that we try and ‘get / have / own relationships’ based on how we Fantasized them to be, never considering the real time, real world challenges and problems of everyday life, relationships that are walked in the real world. So, every time / most of the time a challenge comes your way, individually / in relation to the relationship – it is blamed for interfering with the Fantasy of the relationship, and so most relationships goes into reactions of blame / anger and so fighting / conflict and/or giving up entirely; instead of looking at problems / challenges and having the patience and perseverance to work through them until a solution is found that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how so many come together, each holding their Idea of relationship as programmed by their Fantasies – and so it becomes a ‘clash of two worlds’ for each one and the relationship as well, because: individually – they have one foot in the Fantasy and the other in the Real World and so they are clashing with the Real World trying to materialize / manifest their Fantasies on an individual level. Then their Fantasies are also clashing on a relationship-level in relation to how details differ of what they want for themselves and each other. So, again – we return to the statement “if you know the beginning, you know the end”; as the relationship is thwarted with conflict from the start in the clash / friction between the Fantasy and Real World and then each other’s Fantasies which eventually leads to the initial conflict rising where it manifests / materialize the fall of the relationship. Each then turning around to the next relationship opportunity – only to create the same process / experience again, because “Creation” is not understood: what you create is a reflection of who you are – so, if we don’t change, the relationship experience cannot change.

We will continue in the next post with having a look at this point regarding IDEAS of relationships created from Fantasies, how this point is not yet grasped within Human Consciousness and how this leads to the momentary rise and eventual fall of relationships with not having both feet firmly rooted within this real world and so building / creating relationships that are in fact longstanding – standing the test of challenges and time.

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